Feelings are so scary. I hate them. They are mean, overwhelming, dumb and lame. They make me feel things I don’t want to and believe things that aren’t true. They are evil. My brain is full of feelings and I usually act on emotions and feelings rather than being logical and smart. I don’t know how to be smart. I like my feelings. I also hate my feelings. Sometimes feelings can be happy and nice. Like happiness, nostalgia, joy and love. So those are pretty cool. I like being happy. Happiness is sitting in the sunshine on a warm summer day or eating an ice cream cone or snuggling up under a warm cozy blanket. Joy is beautiful. Joy comes from the Lord and he has shown me so much about joy. Joy is looking at a tree and crying because it’s so beautiful. Joy is the hope we have in the Lord. Love is a warm hug from your best friend or a thoughtful gift. Nostalgia is the smell of coffee that reminds you of your grandma. Nostalgia is reading old encouraging notes from people you love. Those are all nice emotions and feelings. When feelings make me feel good I like them but as soon as I start feeling scary feelings I freak out.
Usually feelings are pretty scary and overwhelming. Like when you like a cute boy but you know he will never like you back. When your friends tell you they never want to talk to you again. When you have a hard test, and feel so prepared but then you fail it. Scary feelings are the worst and honestly are the feelings that dominate my thoughts. Feelings of loneliness, anxiety, inadequacy, sadness, anger, doubt and guilt. Loneliness is the worst feeling and I think all other feelings stem from that. The worst kind of loneliness is when you are surrounded by people who love and care for you but you feel so alone. When you are around your friends but feel like no one is listening. When you feel like you care so much more than everyone else. Anxiety is so real. I feel anxious about school my future and everything. I want everything in my life to go as planned and when it doesn’t I get anxious. I have a pit in my stomach and feel my heart in my throat. I constantly feel inadequate. I feel inadequate in my schoolwork, why am I not as smart as other people why am I studying so hard and not getting good grades. I feel inadequate in my relationships like I’m not giving enough like I could be doing better. Feelings are so hard to deal with and handle. I hate feeling bad about myself but it’s a constant feeling that I must face and overcome daily.
Although feelings are scary and lame they can also be so fun and exciting. If we didn’t have feelings we would be robots and that wouldn’t be very cool.