In your life, you will face many trials and hardships. Life is never going to go as perfectly as planned and that’s okay. That is something that I had to realize and come to terms with over the course of my life. Life is not going to be easy, but we have a gracious Father who loves and cares about so deeply so that’s worth living for.
When I was in the seventh grade, I came home from school one day feeling incredibly bad and I knew that it wasn’t a regular cold but that something more serious was wrong. I told my mom that I did not feel well and she decided to wait a couple days to take me to the doctor to see if it would clear up on its own. I continued feeling sick, so we went to the doctor and they thought I had mono so we did the blood test and it came back negative. We were all so confused because all symptoms pointed to that diagnosis. The doctor decided to run more tests but everything was coming back negative, there were no answers and I was not getting any better. I was so exhausted, I had a constant headache, my whole body hurt, specifically my left side and there’s no major organs there so the doctor was at a loss. I visited every doctor and specialist but there were still no answers. We went to the gastroenterologist, the urologist, the gynecologist and even a homeopathic doctor. Each doctor suggested a different treatment and some would work for a little bit but nothing relieved my pain. I vividly remember one time going to Target and the pain I felt in my hip was so bad that I could barely walk. I was so done with being sick that I would refuse to go to school and just lay in my bed and cry. I was frustrated, confused, scared and lonely. I could not find joy in daily life and at some points did not even want to be alive. I was so broken.
Finally, I cried out to the Lord and was so angry. I asked Him why I had been suffering for so long and why I was not getting better. I was confused and scared and God showed me this verse, James 1:2-3 “Count it all joy my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.” When I read this verse, I was so broken. God was telling me that even though what I was going through was so hard and frustrating, He is so much greater and He was going to bring me out of it and I was going to be stronger because of it. Once the Lord laid this on my heart I could give Him my illness and stop trying to fix it myself. Although answers did not come immediately, we finally found a doctor that was able to pinpoint a cause and help me through it. My physical therapist, Megan was able to help me strengthen my muscle and my broken spirit. She pushed me to try my hardest physically and emotionally. As I kept strengthening my body, the Lord also kept strengthening my broken sprit. He taught me how important it is to trust His plan and to find true joy in the Lord. The whole time I was sick I was trying to deal with it myself and find comfort in worldly things when I should’ve been leaning on the Lord.
Since then the Lord has grown me and I find so much joy in the promises of the Lord. I have learned that it is a daily choice to have joy and find comfort in the Lord. Joy will never come easy but the immense grace the Lord extends to us could never compare to the feeling of emptiness.
Romans 15:13 “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope”